Are you ready to deal with your anger?
Do you really want to continue feeling this way? Why not handle your anger now? The good news is that dealing with your anger is a skill that you can learn!
Understanding your anger
• Anger is a powerful emotion and serves as a mask for other feelings – feelings that we would rather not acknowledge and/or examine. Anger is often a secondary emotion. Some examples of primary emotions that can lead to anger are shame, embarrassment, hurt, disappointment and feeling threatened.
• Anger can sometimes be a learnt behaviour, one that we have developed to gain control and power over others. If the people around us have historically given in to our (angry) behaviour, we might use anger as a way to ensure our needs/demands are met quickly.
• Anger can also result from a perceived unfair treatment of yourself or of others.
How can you deal with your anger?
1. Have a think: What really makes you angry? Examine whether your anger masks other feelings.
2. What incidents or situations trigger your anger? Identify precisely what you are feeling just before anger kicks in. In other words, what are your anger signals?
3. Time-out! Count to ten before you say or do anything. Find other ways to express your feelings in that moment. Go out for a walk, take a hot bath, put your favourite music on loud…
4. Find out what would calm you down in such a situation and try to make a plan in advance.
You can change the patterns of your angry behaviour! Observe, evaluate and reflect on these patterns to determine the underlying feelings and then work out a plan to change your reactions. Sometimes, it is not easy to do this without support.In this case, counselling can be effective.
If you or a significant person in your life needs extra support, take advantage of Expat Nest’s free 15-minute (online) get acquainted chat so we can discuss how to help you move forward. Just email us at firstname.lastname@example.org and we will get back to you ASAP.
Which tip has worked best for you? What is your tip to deal with anger? Share your tips below in the comments section.
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to focus your energies on answers – not excuses” – William Arthur Ward
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4 commentsWrite a comment
Very useful and to the point article. I liked the concept that it’s a “mask feeling” , a secondary one and the motivation to see what it covers. Once again, practical tips Vivian!
Thank you so much Dimiliana and glad you found it valuable!
I find the tip#3 (Time-out!) the most difficult yet the most important. To be angry, but before screaming it out (in a loud voice or by making an ironic or otherwise nasty comment) stop, and do something else: for instance count to ten, drink or walk away. Anger is very overwhelming and pervasive emotion which, at its strongest, doesn’t leave any space for rational, calm actions. So just trying to do ‘nothing’ is a great and challenging goal.
Thank you so much for your comment, Kristyna. Indeed challenging goal but definitely worth trying, as it can make a big different in our lives.