“Transition Takes Time…” Reflections from an International School Counsellor
Globally nomadic students, families and teachers are no strangers to change. Counsellor Steve Ayling reflects on transition and shares an uplifting story from his more than 20 years of working in international schools.
“The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it and join the dance.” – Author and speaker Alan Watts
Transitions are an inescapable reality for students, families and faculty at international schools. Contracts are drawn up or renegotiated, sending millions of individuals and families on new adventures and often life-changing experiences.
One source suggests that there were “169 million international migrant workers globally in 2019 and they constituted 4.9 percent of the global labour force” (ILO, 2021).
Relocations and their transitions bring a whole range of emotions; this can be a time-consuming, emotionally draining and often costly process with a multitude of layers and intricacies for all involved. This process can feel messy and complicated and hard to navigate – like it doesn’t follow the “rules” at all.
A student’s struggles…
Working in international schools for over 20 years in South East Asia and now Central Europe, I have seen hundreds of families come and go (or stay). Donna, as we’ll call her for the purposes of this story, was a 14-year-old American student who arrived in Manila, the Philippines, in around 2011. She was noticeably unsettled and unsure about the relocation, and reluctant to plunge into her new surrounding waters. She demonstrated strong emotions related to the grief over all she had left behind.
Her well-meaning parents had promised at most a three-year placement; that she would return to the States for her senior year and still graduate with all her friends. While this might have felt reassuring at first, it put up an invisible barrier that prevented Donna from making new connections, getting involved in her new school life, and settling in. Our chats and check-ins for the first few months were quite sad, empty, kind of flat. Nothing was really sparking any life in her and as a result I think she had a feeling of being invisible to others… and so it continued for most of her freshman year. There were some small shoots of hope springing but not much, really.
… and her transformation
Summer came and went and Donna had returned ‘home’ to see her friends and familiar places, but perhaps that first summer back, it’s hard to pinpoint what had changed, but something had.
When she returned to school in Manila, there was more of a spark to get involved; the school play auditions were suddenly enticing to Donna, and she became a good support and buddy for others making the same transition she had, just a year earlier. Donna started to embrace her new surroundings, her teachers and various academics; she started to ‘get’ the way things were going in her classes and understand the enquiry approach a little more. I think she even started to live with the terrible traffic and enjoy all, or perhaps most, of the smells that the Manila streets have to offer. Travelling further afield in the country helped her gain a wider perspective of the wonderful Filipino people and the country’s many islands (over 7000). Her visits to my counselling space became a lot more infrequent. Passing each other in a corridor occasionally, I’d see a smile and bright eyes. Donna’s spark was back!
Donna managed to have her family extend the contract for just one more year so that she could graduate from IS Manila, instead of back in the States as originally planned. Her beaming face and proud smile as she walked with purpose and confidence across the stage to accept her certificate in her graduation gown, still brings a tear to the eye.
Donna’s story is a reminder that as we work and try to help families all around the globe, in addition to all of the support, encouragement, patience, expertise and understanding we can offer, sometimes, our most valuable resource is just a little more time.
Feel free to share your international school experience – and any tips for settling in. We love to hear from you!
PHOTO: Anastasiya Gepp
We would like to start with a very warm welcome to everyone at the Expat Nest community from Kelly Bader, Rebecca Bower and Steve Ayling; all debut authors and all currently working at The International School of Basel (ISB). We’d also like to say a huge thank you to Vivian Chiona and her team for the opportunity to share our work and resources with you, as you potentially embark on new adventures with your family, all over the globe.
Dr Rebecca Bower and Steve Ayling have published an article entitled ‘Supporting Stayers To Thrive: Invest in Your Nest’ through TIE (The International Educator) and have presented internationally on a Whole School Transition Plan Matrix at the International School Counsellor Association (ISCA) Conference in Bangkok, Thailand 2023.
We are delighted to share our exciting publication news with you as we have been working away on a couple of children’s books and are hopeful they can be a great resource for you and your family on your transition journeys, whenever they may be and wherever they may take you.
Our two story and activity books, The RAFT That Soared and Bobo’s Big Move are two very different stories, but are both based on the same goal and vision: to support students and families who are on the move. Inspired by the work of Ruth Van Reken and David Pollock in their ground-breaking work Third Culture Kids, we take their well-known RAFT model for successful transition (Reconciliation, Affirmation, Farewell, & Think Destination) and transform this into what we hope are relatable stories and associated activity books.
At ISB, for example, we now provide these to all leavers as soon as we know that they are moving on, with the hope that this helps them prepare for their move and supports a smooth and successful transition. There are a growing number of schools around the world too who are starting to use our resources in a similar way.
The books can of course be used individually both at home and school, or within a scaffolded group context, across Junior and Middle School divisions. Bobo’s Big Move is targeted at a lower primary/elementary audience (Early Childhood to Grades 3/4), whereas The RAFT That Soared would be better suited to upper primary/elementary and lower-middle-school students (Grades 3-Grades 6/7).
For further information specifically about The Raft That Soared, there is a vimeo link here to Rebecca and Steve’s presentation at the World Education Summit (if you’d like to hear from the authors directly and see some snapshots from the book itself).
Both books are now both available for purchase on Amazon and other book sites such as Barnes & Noble. The RAFT That Soared is also available directly from Summertime Publishing, with an option to create a branded insert into the front of the book, and a 25% discount for bulk purchasing (over 50 books) – which, of course, can be shipped globally to anywhere of your choosing. Please contact jack@summertimepublishing.com directly if this bulk order option interests you or your school/company in any way.
We really appreciate the opportunity to spread the word about these resources with the wider expat community and hope that they are useful and comforting to you as you navigate the sometimes choppy waters of change.
We can all be reached directly regarding the world of transitions and would love to hear any feedback about the resources we have shared.
Take good care out there,
Kelly Bader, Dr Rebecca Bower and Steve Ayling