TAKING CARE OF THE CAREGIVER: SOME TIPS
Being caregiver to a loved one is not for the faint of heart. It’s often an act of hard work, sacrifice and altruistic love, with emotional highs and lows. We share some tips for looking after yourself, if you’re looking after someone else. . .
Caregiving offers the opportunity to show your love to the person in need, but it can also be extremely stressful and exhausting. And if you’re not looking after yourself, there’s a very real risk of burnout.
The most effective caregivers share common habits to keep paddling through rough waters:
Prioritize your self-care
Taking care of your own needs is vital when taking care of a loved one. Stay on top of your healthcare needs, eat as healthily as possible and get plenty of sleep. Try to include some exercise in your day, even if it’s just 10 minutes at a time. Only by taking care of your needs, can you do your best at taking care of others.
Seek out information
The more you learn about your loved one’s illness, symptoms and treatment process, the more empowered you will feel around what to expect and how to cope with potential extra needs. Educating yourself on the illness empowers you to face future challenges as a caregiver and to provide the appropriate help on time.
Searching for solutions
Be honest about problems as they arise, look for effective solutions and take action. Keep in mind that you are an expert by experience when it comes to your loved one, so look for solutions that are suitable both for you and the person who needs you.
Acknowledge your own feelings
Identify your strengths and your weaknesses. Be honest about your emotions; you have the right to all of them.
Embrace your support network
Caregivers often feel alone and believe that others cannot fully understand what they are going through. Building or leaning on your support network helps to prevent burnout and the feelings of guilt that can emerge when negative emotions arise. An expat caregiver might feel especially lonely, as most of our loved ones live far away. In that case, take advantage of technology to stay in touch with your support network abroad and those involved with the care – this way, you have the opportunity to share your thoughts and feelings with the people that care most about you. Alternatively, support groups for caregivers provide a safe space to share your concerns and get advice. Whenever possible, have open, honest conversations with your loved ones or the person you take care of regarding your personal needs, so that everyone has the same expectations; this will minimize misunderstandings.
Choose gratitude
Gratitude for what you and your loved ones already have or have accomplished can help to find acceptance and some measure of peace. Start gently, by noticing small pleasures and joys. Consider creating a gratitude journal to capture these moments of appreciation. You may not be able to control everything that your loved one is going through, but you can have some control over how you respond to the challenges.
Take a break
Caregiving is a demanding task. Once in a while, give yourself a rest and participate in activities you enjoy, like reading a good book, meeting a friend, take a warm bath or watching a great movie.
Practise mindfulness
Try not to focus on what is presumably coming, since no one knows if tomorrow will be better or worse than today. Living in the present can help you stay out of anticipatory fear, worry or grief.
Seek professional help
Caregiving is hard work and it’s okay to feel overwhelmed as you try your best to support for your loved one. If you feel exhausted, irritated, tired, constantly stressed or forgetful, do not hesitate to seek professional help. If these warning signs of caregiver burnout arise, take action and don’t hesitate to let a professional support you. Feel free to get in touch with us for a free 15-minute call. An experienced psychologist or coach can help you develop skills and strategies to deal with challenging emotions in a safe place, where your thoughts and feelings will be understood.
Remember, it’s not “selfish” to prioritize yourself when someone you care about is in need. It’s a smart strategy! By staying healthy and balanced, you’ll feel more resilient in the long run (and more able to take on your care duties).
Are you taking care of a loved one? What have you struggled with and what coping tools do you use? We’d love to hear about your experience.
Photo: Sơn Bờm/Pexels
Thanks, Vivian, for this important topic being raised. I took care of my mother her last four years of life when she went from being an amazingly bright, smart, competent efficient lady to the sad realities of Lewy Body Dementia and often all body shaking. Two things specifically helped. Going along with what you say about learning more of the disease, I found a wonderful series of talks by Teepa Snow on dementia, specifically for me Lewy Body Dementia: What Everyone Needs to Know. It really helped me understand what was happening rather than simply being frustrated when mom ‘saw’ people and things not there, etc. I also found I needed to have in home care about twenty hours a week so I could go shopping, be free to go to my room and work on my projects, etc…my sibs helped me pay for it since they weren’t there to help and that was another ‘salvation’ for me. Thanks again..yes, it is hard work and at the very end, a sister came for the last week or two to be there and help as I knew I needed that extra help. Mom died in the end in her own bed with three of her six children around her and I am so glad I was able to care for her in our home. But you are right…i needed lots of help to do it!
Dearest Ruth
Thank you so much for sharing your experience of caring for your mom, and for those very important tips. You have touched so many lives, including my own, and I always love to hear your insights. You raise an excellent point about having enough info on the specific illness so that we can understand it and not get stuck in (the very understandable) frustration one feels when a loved one is not as we expect/remember them to be. Your story is also a reminder to all of us to seek out support, because carrying the burden alone can be so lonely and taxing.
All my love
Vivian