Is Social Media Making Us More Lonely?
As expats it’s important to keep in touch with our loved ones. Online technology and social media in particular allow us to do that more effectively. But some studies suggest that a dependence on social media may lead us to distance ourselves from our reality and create more – not less – loneliness in the long run.
Have you ever felt you can’t wait to get back on your device to check Facebook?
Or do you tend to sit on your phone while hanging out with friends?
Have you ever sat at a dinner table and been more interested in what’s happening on Twitter than in engaging in conversation?
Social media can be an incredible enabler. With it we can make contact with long-lost friends, follow social and political causes we believe in, and share aspects of our experiences with friends and family in one convenient post (or photo album). Unlike expats in the past, we are blessed to have a tool that enables instant communication across long distances. But are we mistaking connectedness for connection?
Sherry Turkle, professor of Social Studies of Science and Technology at MIT, founder of the MIT Initiative on Technology and Self and author of Alone Together, believes so. She suggests social media offers the illusory appeal of:
- I can place my attention wherever I want it to be
- I will always be heard
- I will never have to be alone
Relationships in the real world are complex. It takes time, energy and vulnerability to build and grow them. This is especially true for expats, who often have to start all over again.
We assume that being “connected” to so many people means we won’t experience loneliness, right? But if our primary way of living becomes through our smartphones, we risk never reaching out. We may end up living in a bubble and forgetting to experience life. We may end up feeling lonelier than ever.
If you find that you’re spending more time socialising online than on the ground, and if you’re worried about the effect on your wellbeing, these pointers will help you to disconnect… and reconnect:
- Put down your device…
… whether in bed, at home or at the dinner table. Commit to spending less time exploring social media and more time exploring life!
- Re-establish meaningful relationships
Reflect on what you want to get out of your relationships. How does social media help you achieve that? And where does it fall short? Find a balance that encourages you to prioritise meaningful relationships that last over short-term connections.
- Embrace times of solitude
We will all be alone, or feel lonely, at certain points in our lives. By developing ways to feel comfortable with solitude, we can enjoy its gifts rather than bury ourselves in our devices and distract ourselves from our feelings. (For tips on dealing with loneliness, see “Feeling alone even when you’re around people?”)
Do you think social media creates loneliness? What role does social media play in your expat experience? We’d love to hear your thoughts and tips!
If you like this article, subscribe to our newsletter and share these tips with someone who feels strongly about social media.
Sources
Turkle, S. (2012). “I share, therefore I am”. Retrieved January 22, 2016
Morahan-Martin, J., & Schumacher, P. (2003). Loneliness and Social Uses of the Internet. Computers in Human Behavior, 19(6), 659-671.
Extra resources
“Connected, but alone?” (Sherry Turkle TED Talk)
ps. Thanks to Thomas Tischhauser for his contribution to this article.
FEEL FREE TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR BLOG OR NEWSLETTER. We ask only that you attribute Expat Nest and include the following: Expat Nest (www.expatnest.com) is a professional online counselling service for expats.
Photo: Mikoto.raw / Pexels
Dear Vivian,
I am one of those who experienced what is written in this article. I am pretty sure that social media creates loneliness. And I had to go back and put few rules to control how to use it. Sometimes it is tough, but I have actually decided at certain point social media has to be no longer in my life. This time has not come yet, but I am sure I am able to achieve this as a target for me.
In other parallel world where the life is such bad as one could not imagine, where the number of poor people are hilarious, where the situation & stress around you are killing every single good moment you could have, social media becomes part of stress instead of sharing good moments, nice pictures and happy life with friends on your timeline. This affects anyone’s life in very weird way. Cause of this I have decided that I will create my own world away from all of this. As an expat, I had to be smart knowing people through real interaction in sports clubs, at work and where I need to go. This what I need to use to build another life where the social media is an add to the stress one has every day. Being smart is the thing anyone needs to be happy and not the social media.
Best regards,
Abdelrahman
Dear Anbdelrahman,
Thanks for your comment and sharing your thoughts with us.
I think it is a matter of maximizing the blessings of social media and minimizing the challenges that come with them.
I guess it is to a great extent is how you choose to use this powerful tool.
Many thanks,
Vivian
thanks Vivian for your comment, which I totally agree with. We need to choose how to use this tool and make the best out of it.
Dear Abdelrahmen,
I can recall a time recently when I traveled to The Kruger National Park in South Africa to get away from smart phones and internet use. There was only Wi-Fi service by the restaurant. It didnt matter what time of day it was, it was always so crowded as everyone wanted to be on their devices. There was a time my parents would constantly want me to put down my device. Now, everyone in my family are always on their device and constantly want to isolate themselves from conversations.
(This reminds me of the recent Baumbach hit, titled, “While We’re Young”)
While you bring up a great point that we need should cut social media from our lives, we have come so far now that for some, they would almost cease to exist. (there is so much of their lives on these sites) Perhaps, we can only manage our usage rather than cut it out completely?
Kind Regards,
Thomas Tischhauser
Dear Thomas,
I agree with you regarding managing our usage for the social media rather than cutting it out. In Western countries where the life style is better than other places, social media considers a way to share good moments rather than adding stress over the one’s life; whereas in the developing countries social media is part of the stress due to what you read in every post. So a kind of different story.
That is why I want to cut it, despite I am not able to do this so far. But concerning managing it, I think we need to feel how real life is better than websites. Going for running, exploring sports, having dinner with family or relatives are much more important or even reading a book. This what makes value and change your life to the best with time.
Kind regards,
Abdelrahman
Dear Vivian,
Definitely true in many cases. I used to dread to go out without my smart phone. Especially because of very good friends in other time zones. However, life goes one and I have learned to live up to what I told friends who worried about their children: “when I was a teenager I travelled to the UK and France on my own and without my parents worrying. I would call like once a week. As an adult I have travelled ample in areas where phone services were very expensive if even available. Never any worries at my end nor my better half nor parents.”. On the other hand, thru social media I have met many new wonderful friends. It’s thus a mixed blessing and in some cases I guess to establish some ground rules. Just like nearly 20 years ago, when e-mail was just getting into fashion, the edict was “no laptops switched on during meetings” at the company I worked for at the time.
Cheers,
Louis
Dear Louis,
Thank you so much for your comment and sharing your experience with all of us in the Expat Nest community.
I find particularly interesting that you described how things have evolved from 20 years ago to now!
‘No laptops switched on during meetings?!’ I can’t imagine what those managers would think about this now 😉
Many thanks,
Vivian
Great post Vivian! Not even just social media, but especially with so many useful apps, your phone kind of becomes glued to your hand. For instance, because my alarm is on my phone, I have to set it right before going to bed and then I might as well quickly see what people on Facebook are up to. As a result, I end up on social media every night right before falling asleep. An easy solution for this is to buy an actual alarm clock. It’s small things like this that make you less addicted to your phone and social media.
Dear Claudia,
Thank you so much for your comment and describing what is a reality for many of us!
I love your ending sentence on the small things that give you a different perspective on how to use social media and how much you let them influence your life. I couldn’t agree with you more on making small tweaks which will lead you closer to whatever your goal is.
Many thanks and best regards,
Vivian
Dear Claudia,
Funny that you bring this up! I just got an alarm clock over Christmas for this very reason.
We have become so incredibly reliant on our phones for everything. Where do we draw the line and say “enough is enough” or do we keep allowing these web 2.0 companies to rule every aspect of our lives? If we don’t do something, we may end up in a world such as that portrayed in the movie “her”
Kind Regards,
Thomas Tischhauser
Dear vivian ,
Yes i can say that social media is creating lonliness l..let me tell my experience with face book
I am having above 450 friends in fb. Daily i used to open it and check for messages. Hardly i find messages in inbox. Whether i am in happy or in depression , i didn’t find anyone to share with them. Sometimes i used to open and wait to see whether any one greets me(ofcourse many times i wished them earlier) but no messages . So i felt because of social media feeling lonley. There are positive benefits and negative affects with social media. Only thing is it depends on how we are using it. Personely I found it was no use to me rather then getting depresed so i deleted my FB account.
Dear Praveen,
Thanks for your comment. It is great having you here.
I understand how lonely it can feel to have so many FB friends but mainly none deep connection there. It is something really common nowadays which is greatly portrayed in your example.
I am sure many others feel the way you described above. Thanks for your honesty and sharing with us.
Remember it doesn’t have to be this way and there are lots that can be done so to have deeper connections, less loneliness and more meaningful relationships.
If there is any way I could be of help, feel free to contact me.
Best wishes,
Vivian