The Beauty and the Beast of Nostalgia
Most expats are familiar with nostalgia. Sometimes it comes to us gently; other times it hits us hard. And though we can usually identify the feeling as a bittersweet longing for a time gone by, the triggers and details are deeply personal.
Acknowledging our nostalgia and sharing it can bring us one step closer to making peace with it… which is why we’re delighted to share this story from Alkmini, an expat in London, who talks about the beauty and the beast hidden within her nostalgia.
Has this ever happened to you? I’ve always wanted to ask other expats.
You’ve had a great day… Maybe you went for a long walk by the river, which led to pizza and cocktails with special friends, before you headed home to watch a movie with your favourite person on earth.
And then, before going to bed, you quickly check Facebook… and see that everyone “back home” is celebrating a national holiday, one you’ve missed year after year because you’ve been abroad. Suddenly your happy day feels ruined. You feel miserable and you realise you’d give 100 pizzas for just an hour of that celebration.
If you’ve experienced this – or anything similar – you know how nostalgia feels.
Now, it’s not that nostalgia is new to me. I remember my 10-year-old self being nostalgic for summers in my grandparents’ yard and endless ice cream. I also remember my older self experiencing nostalgia for my student years and old friends.
My expat nostalgia, though, is less sweet and more of a “nostalgia beast”, as one of my favourite singers describes it. Since becoming an expat, I feel a painful nostalgia almost every day. I’m nostalgic for my hometown, its colours, smell, sounds and people. I’m also nostalgic for my loved ones, their joy and tears, hugs and fears.
Most of all, I am nostalgic for the self who was a part of all of that, and for how I felt there: happy, relaxed, safe, that I belonged.
Sometimes my nostalgia comes and goes, but most often the beast stays with me for days – especially on those cold summer days, when the rain won’t stop and I’ve just gotten back from a lovely break on a small island in my home country.
But it also comes at unexpected times… like evenings at my parents’ house, which is full of people I love insanely. I start feeling nostalgic for every moment that passes – even though I am still there.
The reason I rarely talk about these feelings is that I’ve found that nostalgia is highly personal and individual. To me, nostalgia is deeply embedded in one’s soul, memories and experiences, which means even the most empathetic person may struggle to grasp the details. I’ve come to believe that everyone carries their own nostalgia; that this beast has many forms.
I’ve also realised that we cannot simply order ourselves to “stop feeling nostalgic”. Instead, acknowledging nostalgia is a great start to winning it over. Acceptance will help us accept the beast in our expat lives and find the beauty in it…
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© Vivian Chiona
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Photo: Octavio J. Garcia N. / Pexels
Thank you Vivian. For this operates a bit differently. Everyday experiences can make me recall menus of both sweet-and-sour from the past. Often my friends ask me, “What you miss about your homeland?” I have some standard foodie answers like roasted sweet corn and clam chowder. If anything people in my life “back home” are more accessible now by Skype and social networks than ever before. I can remember in the 1970s when a 20 minute phone call with cost $90 and I was less affluent, most contactless by a letter with a stamp on it and a personal exchange would be a minimum 2 1/2 week turnaround. As I age, have some nostalgia for what I used to be able to do and enjoy today no longer have a capacity for, e.g., super late nights, the vicious handball game, and backpacking through a jungle. For me, however, it doesn’t seem to spoil the present anyway, but sort of enhances it, surrounds the goodness of the present with the goodness of the past and generates a sort of gratefulness. In our book, “seven ways to lighten your life before you kick the bucket” my friend Walt and I did some good reflection on the importance of thankfulness that we both seem to experience in this way.
Dear George,
Thank you so much for your comment. It is great having you here.
I love the way that you describe your nostalgia throughout the years and how the sense of it shifts depending our age, experiences etc.
You mention your book- could you please give us the link? I am sure it will be of value to all those readers who come here each week for insights and inspiration.
Thanks and best wishes,
Vivian
Thanks, Vivian,
Linked below is the publisher’s announcement of our book.
It is of course available on Seven Ways to Lighten Your Life Before You Kick the Bucket” target=”_blank”>Amazon
We‘ve also started a Facebook page for reflections on aging at https://www.facebook.com/bucketbookviews/
https://www.dropbox.com/s/cfxwy03w90j8uo6/7%20ways%20copy.pdf?dl=0
Thanks so much George. Looking forward to reading it!
Best regards,
Vivian
Lovely article Vivian and can totally relate to the title of nostalgia being beautiful yet slightly beast-like too!
The beauty is in the fact that we always have those moments to reflect on and know that we have created great memories but the beast is the fact we know we will never get those precious moments back.
For expats I really believe this is something we go through on a daily basis and it helps to take comfort in the fact that us expats are all in the same boat when it comes to homeland nostalgia.
I guess it’s important to focus on the fact that those moments happened and how great they were, whilst living in the moment and appreciating new exciting moments that come our way.
Hi Sophie
You’ve hit the nail on the head! It’s all about being in the moment and yet also appreciating all the moments that made us who we are and brought us to the here and now. And you’re right: we are never alone. Many expats experience these conflicting dynamics around nostalgia.
Best wishes
Vivian