In Search of Home…
“Home” can be where we are, but it is also who and how we are. Home is mostly a place within. Intercultural consultant and author of Psychology Today’s Between Cultures Marianna Pogosyan reflects on what it takes to build a feeling of “home” in a new country and how we can begin to know that we’ve found it.
Home, Charles Dickens writes, is a word stronger than a magician ever spoke. A word that houses under its roof an entire universe of virtues. To feel at home implies an essential alignment – an ease with the world and with oneself. We all have our ways of building our homes; our own little spells we cast on places and their smells, tastes, sights and sounds to turn them into havens of solace and safety.
Some of these tricks are universal. Like surrounding ourselves with people we love and things that we value. But what happens when we move, when we leave our beloved havens for lands that stretch under foreign skies? When does the new place start feeling like home?
When is it that the fists unclench, the shoulders unknot, the lungs exhale, the walls come down, the shoelaces get untied, the coats get hung, and we realise: I am home?
Seven sensory clues you’re at home…
Here are seven moments – seven plays on the five senses – that can lead us through the maze of unfamiliar streets and unknown pastures towards the doorstep of home.
- When your daily routine begins to include a few new favourites: a new favourite radio station, a new favourite TV show, a new favourite magazine. (Even if you don’t understand most of what you are hearing, watching, reading.)
- When the local foods that you rushed by in unfamiliar supermarket aisles become staples in your kitchen.
- When someone stops you on the street and asks you for directions, and you confidently navigate them to their destination. Just as kind strangers once did for you on those same streets.
- When you notice bits and pieces of their culture reflecting in your own behaviour – from the way you talk, to the way you think.
- When you meet someone. Someone, whose presence soothes the heartache of past goodbyes. Someone whose friendship gifts you with light – even on days when the sun is nowhere to be found. Someone, who despite being a newcomer to your narrative, becomes an indispensable character in your story.
- When you find a corner of the new land – be it among the tall pines in a morning forest or the lively cafés at a town square – that becomes one of your favourite spots in the world. A spot that you can travel to every time you close your eyes, if only to smell its air and to taste the joy it brings you.
- When you stumble upon your new culture during your travels (tourists, language, foods, number plates), and you realise, all flustered and gleeful, that you can’t wait to go back. Back to home.
Homes are not built overnight. After all, the magic involved in securing a nest extends far beyond a thousand and one twigs. It might take some time, as we stand at the banks of an unfamiliar stream, vulnerable and hesitant, holding on to memories of all that we left behind.
We might dip our toes in the new waters, only to rush back to the safety of the shore. We might stay there for a while, by the comfort of the rustling willows, watching the stream go by. But then, on one spectacular sunrise, we will find ourselves releasing our grip and jumping in, with hearts restored with hope and resilience. And that is when the stream – sometimes turbulent, other times blissfully still – will carry us home.
Which is your strongest “home sense”? How do you know you’re feeling at home in your new place? ? Feel free to share your sensory moments below.
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Photo: Free-Photos / Pixabay
Having moved over 15 times, I try to make home where I live or travel to. Adapt to local customs. To quote from Star Trek “Resistance is futile” :-). Instead of resisting rather cherish the moment or time one spends somewhere. I love talking to the locals. Provided I’m in the mood, also will chat with people when travelling. Always interesting I can assure everyone.
Thanks for your comment Louis!
I loved the ‘resistance is futile’ ?
Best wishes
Vivian
A very beautiful and insightful article. Thanks a lot.
From my various moves and encounters, working experiences and conversations, “home” is this feeling that surrounds me slowly but surely when dropping my guard to candidly immerse myself with authenticity and generosity into the new cultural environment.. It’s always been the source of particularly beautiful (rich) moments.
Dear Olivier,
Many thanks for your comment!
Glad to hear that you have this definition of home which makes sense to you; I think at the end of the day this is what matters most, to find peace in our definition and feelings of ‘home’.
Many readers visit our blog for insights and inspiration and I am sure your comment will help them.
Best wishes
Vivian
Thanks for sharing this amazing Article. It has refreshed my all old memories. I admire these 7 senses . It reminds the old saying “Home is where the heart is’. These7 senses build up confidence in person which leads to a happiness.
Thank you so much Bhawana and it is great you find this article so valuable and helps you with your confidence as a citizen of the world.
Best wishes,
Vivian
Thanks for this, I was a nomad throughout childhood, never really feeling belonging in the way school and then adult friends did, I always felt connected here, but that’s not to say there are not moments of strangeness and unfamiliarity inevitable with a new country. I think you are right, it is a gradual process and you begin to notice connections.
Dear Megan,
Many thanks for your comment and sharing your experience with us.
Since you had a mobile life as a kid, you may enjoy reading this article on Third Culture Kids:http://www.expatnest.com/10-things-you-might-not-have-known-about-third-culture-kids-tcks/
Thanks and best wishes,
Vivian
Many thanks, actually most of my moves were in the UK, longest being 4 years in N Wales ( moved twice while there!) then nearly 3 years in Canada but I can relate a lot to what you sent me, gets harder once you hit adolescence
Best wishes
Megan
Hi Megan,
I absolutely understand what you describe above and I agree with you that for teens it can be even harder. You may enjoy reading this article: http://www.expatnest.com/how-to-help-your-expat-teen-cope-with-moving-2/
Thanks for being here,
Vivian
Great article! Thanks for these tips, I shall keep them in mind as I may be about to move across the pond. I am aware that I will begin to watch new shows, new news channels/sources and will buy new foods etc. and I do very much look forward to being able to do so.
Thank you so much Thomas!it seems that you are on crossroads and I hope this article will be a useful compass while in search of home ?
Best wishes and once again thanks for being such a loyal member of the Expat Nest community,
Vivian
Thanks for your article! It sure has made me reflect . . . Home, for me, is always going to be divided. I was born and raised in Japan, with periodic visits to the USA (where my citizen ship lies). As a young adult, I spent time in other parts of Asia and returned to Japan to teach. My four children were all born in Durham, North Carolina where I’ve been able to put down roots over the last 28 years. Recently, I was invited by my high school to go back to Japan and be their alumna author in residence. Wow, for the first time I experienced culture shock in Japan! After 28 years of being away, things sure had changed and I’d changed, too. And yet, on the other hand, so much was familiar. For the first time I didn’t experience any culture shock when I landed back in the USA after the trip was over. Being back in Japan made me miss it all over again and I wondered (before I left) how I would resume my life in the USA . . . But my children, husband, and friends helped me to ease back to life here. Home is such a strange word for me. I will always feel that I have two homes.
Dear Alice,
Thank you so much for your comment! Glad to hear that you find this article valuable.
What an interesting life story! I can relate to what you describe and especially the part of having two homes. For me it was an insight to realize that through the years and exposure to many cultures, I became my home (please check this out: http://www.expatnest.com/how-i-became-my-home/)
Once again thanks and great having you here,
Vivian
Hi Alice,
wow Japan and USA this seems like a lot to digest. I have never been to Japan but I am German and we lived in Raleigh (Brier Creek actually, so almost Durham) for the past four years and my daughter was born there. We moved back some months ago and somehow I miss the US also on her behalf as she has an US-passport and on my son’s as he is German but with being 5 and having lived in the US for four years he considers this his home.
So I jiust wanted to say a quick hello to you as you live in our temporary home! And yes, even though it was just for four year I will also have two homes. Giving birth to a child somewhere makes a place somehow home as well.
Thanks for sharing Vivian! This is an outstanding list!
Thank you so much Les! Glad you find this article valuable. Your positive feedback is much appreciated! ?
Thanks for being here and continued support,
Vivian
Wow, Vivian, in a reply to Alice you wrote: “I BECAME MY HOME”
That one ‘hits home’ with me. How did you accomplish that?
Yoka
Hi Yoka,
Thanks for your comment! I saw that you posted on the related article so I am going to reply there.
Glad these articles are of value to you!
Vivian
This really made me think and if I should pin it down to one thing I might choose the birds. I am a biologist by training and love birds. I know them well in my home country Germany but was not familiar at all with them in our new home in North Carolina. After a few months I realized that I knew most of them and after a year I had met them all and this is when I felt like I belonged there, too.
This was an odd realization when I thought about it just now but I am glad you asked that.
Dear Julia,
Thank so much for your comments and I can totally relate.
How kind of you to reply to Alice- that’s why communities are great! Hope she sees it and gets back to you.
By the way, I also love birds and nests ?
Thanks for being a valuable member of the Expat Nest community.
Best wishes,
Vivian